


The Cockles of My Heart

by jenetic



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: And how everything happens, Gen, It is now, It's pretty much Cockles from perspective of Jensen, Jared being Jared, M/M, Pining, Pretty much exactly how things happened in real life, Questioning of Sexuality, Slow Burn, That's enough outta me, There's prank wars and stuff, is that a tag, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenetic/pseuds/jenetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misha Collins is weird. This conclusion is drawn very quickly and without any conversation whatsoever, but Jensen’s pretty sure his view on the guy won’t change any time soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

All things considered, Jensen’s glad to be back for season four. Shooting My Bloody Valentine was a giant pain in the ass and he’d wanted to go home, but he and Danneel have been at odds lately and the Texas summers get a little too hot for even him sometimes. Not that he’d ever admit that. Jared would have his head in half a second.

However, he’s a bit disgruntled at the same time. They’re getting a new co-star. Or, guest star, the producers had said, but Jensen knows better. If this guy hits it off with the viewers, he’s here to stay. At least for a little while. It hasn’t happened before, not really. Jim has held a certain closeness, but other than that, it’s just been he and Jared.

This guy -- _Misha_ \-- remains a mystery. No one’s seen him yet, at least not any of the rest of the cast, and that’s kind of unsettling. The script says the dude’s not supposed to actually make an on-screen appearance until the last page or two, and Jensen’s more than a little worried that he won’t get to read with his scene partner before then. Jared staves off his anxiety by making fun of their new colleague’s name.

“It’s not even real,” he concedes, thumbing at his phone screen with a dopey grin. Leave it to Jared to Google the man. No class. “Out of all the stage names you could pick, he chose Misha. It’s better than Dmitri, I’ll give him that.”

“And then they go and give him an even weirder name on the show,” Jensen adds with a petulant huff. “Casteel.”

“It’s _Cast-yell_ , dude.”

“What?” The elder flips through his script again while grumbling, and after ten minutes of bickering over pronunciations with his best friend decides that he’ll leave it up to Singer or Carver to tell them.

*

As it turns out, the correct way to say it is _Cas-tee-ell_. It’s too many syllables, in Jensen’s humble opinion, but Bob lets him know very quickly that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about humble opinions.

He learns this on the first actual day of shooting. It’s also the day he ends up meeting the illusive Misha, despite his earlier concerns. Though, the dude’s not exactly what he’d expected.

Misha Collins is weird. This conclusion is drawn very quickly and without any conversation whatsoever, but Jensen’s pretty sure his view on the guy won’t change any time soon. He has these huge blue eyes that seem to scrutinize every little thing on someone’s face, and his expression is one of near constant disapproval. It’s sorta freaky. Jensen thinks he’s just a creepy PA when he first comes into the makeup trailer, until Toby greets him and starts rolling up Jensen’s sleeve. A big, slender hand is suddenly settling on his shoulder and he has to look up in shock, Misha’s face a little too close for comfort as the artist begins outlining his fingers for Jensen’s prosthetic.

Then he’s gone without a word, and Toby’s laying down the base of this handprint, saying something kinda fondly about how this guy is so shy and _not_ a total weirdo. Jensen’s not sure he agrees. Sure, he’s never been great at meeting new people and making nice, but… He shakes his head and lets it go for now. There’s no way he’s gonna let some stranger throw him for a loop in his own domain. He can get a hold of himself.

 * 

His first scene is Hell. Well, not literally. But it sure did feel like it.

He’s had to do more takes than he cares to count of crawling out of this fucking hole, and each time just gets worse and worse. He’s sweating, there’s dirt in his mouth and in his eyes, and it’s obvious Kim’s just as frustrated as he is. By the time Jensen taps out to take a break, he can barely breathe and there’s a loud voice from the megaphone telling him to “ _Suck it up, Ackles!_ ” He’s not sure he can. The pit is claustrophobic as shit and too hot to be shooting in in fucking July, but he’s forced to get his act together when he hears Jared laughing at him, the dick.

Eventually, he gets himself out without incident, stumbles a few steps and stands next to his fake grave while trying to catch his breath. He kind of wishes he could lie in there and die for a day or two at this point. The cameras are still rolling and he’s not about to do that again, so he walks. Or, rather, limps. There’s a long road with no marks on it and a gas station in the distance, and Jensen’s vaguely thinking about suing as he ties Dean’s jacket around his waist.

In a huge but not unwelcome turn of events, it’s not as bad as it had originally seemed. He gets to actually chug half a water bottle and waltz around in the air-conditioned shack for a while, lift his shirt to air it out and check on the fake burn currently residing on his arm. It really does look gnarly. The second part he’s been dreading happens way too soon, and he’s frantically pouring salt all over the fucking place while a dog whistle is blown as loudly as possible by none other than Jared. With a grunt of defeat, Jensen throws himself to the floor and waits for the breakaway glass to shatter.

Only one window gives. Despite himself, he laughs, a full-body thing that has him covering his face when the camera gets closer. They have to do another take, but the worst is over, for now.

*

Jensen’s had to hit the deck a few too many times over the week. This angel business isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and it’s only the first episode. He’s pretty sure there’s at least one fake shard of glass in his ear. But the eighth day is his reprieve. He shoots the shit with Jim for a couple minutes while standing in the shoddy barn, waiting for the prop coordinators to finish painting sigils and other nonsense all over the place. The only thing to be nervous about is the new guy. Jim’s there to clap a hand on his shoulder and let him know it’ll all be okay, that he’ll be there too, even though Jensen’s mind unhelpfully adds that Bobby’s supposed to be out-cold on the floor for most of the scene. Whatever.

The cameras roll and all is well, and when Misha -- or rather, Castiel -- makes his big appearance, it’s actually pretty fucking cool. Guns are blazing and lights are exploding and it’s all peachy. That is, until the guy’s first lines are up. His voice is so deep and his stare is so falsely intimidating that Jensen outright laughs and screws the whole thing up. Kim has to shout _cut!_ rather begrudgingly and Misha stands stock still at his mark. Jensen’s tearing up, and as Shannon rushes over to make sure his makeup isn’t smudging everywhere, he can’t help but lean close to her ear.

“What is he doing?” He whispers, slightly mortified but all kinds of amused. “Did he audition?” The girl just smirks at him and pats his face, shoving him back to his place to compose himself.

On the next take, Misha gets the line out, and Jensen lunges forward to “stab” him. For the second time, they’re a little too close. Dean’s mildly angry snarl falls into a totally Jensen pout. Misha’s still in character, he thinks, except there’s this self-righteous smirk on the dude’s face and he’s not sure if that’s Castiel or not. The intensity of this guy’s presence is really fucking him up.

“Jensen! Let go of the fucking knife!”

He’s never dropped something faster. His hand returns to his body as if it were burned as Misha withdraws the handle from his coat, letting it clatter to the ground. His eyes stay on Jensen even as Jim swings the fake crowbar and the dude just grabs it, no preamble, no second thought, didn’t even check… And _Jesus_ , Jensen’s definitely gonna have to talk about that bedroom glare he’s getting right now because it’s really not okay.

The rest of the scene is much of the same. This dude’s all up in his personal bubble and Jensen finds his face twitching more than once, trying to make sense of exactly what the fuck is happening because he’s never shot anything like this with anyone. Is Castiel supposed to be this close because he doesn’t understand human interaction, or is Misha seeing how much he can make Jensen’s skin crawl on his first day on the job? Either way. Jensen figures since he has seniority, he’s gonna stand his ground.

And after a few more takes and a lot of prolonged, unnecessary eye contact, they’re mercifully informed that that’s a wrap. Jensen’s confused and downright offended that his own body would betray him like that when he has to immediately jerk off in his trailer.


	2. TBA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read this!

Hello guys, gals, and nonbinary pals.

  
Here's the situation: I am in college! I know I promised you all an update to this fic, but to be truthful, I never even started to write a second chapter. Tragic.

  
The good news, though, is that a very similar fic has come to fruition! It's called [When Harry Met Sally](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347) by the very talented [mnwood](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mnwood) here on AO3. Super detailed, great characterization, I love it. You should love it too, because this story is probably never going to see the light of day again. Go nuts!

  
I'm gonna try to start posting more of my drabbles here so stay tuned.

**Author's Note:**

> SO if you've read any of my previous stuff you know I'm absolutely Destiel trash. Guess what? I'm Cockles trash too. This is my first RPF and that's pretty cool I guess. I'll be updating this... At some point. Just know there's more to come. Pun intended.


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